Road Scholars
Road Scholars is a chatroom/ill-advised social experiment moderated by McKain and QueenTakesRook. History The origins of Road Scholars are shrouded in the mists of time and obscurity. In its current incarnation, the room is run by McKain, a refugee/exile from League of Gamers, who assumed power in a (debateably) bloodless coup in the summer of 2008. Since then, numerous sources agree that things have only gotten worse. Lawlessness, terror and rampant gay innuendo stalk the landscape, as aid agencies refuse to risk sending in personnel. This suits the room's regulars perfectly, as their caustic and misanthropic nature puts them largely at odds with the outside world, any incursion from which will likely be met with a combination of threats of violence, rapier wit and common-or-garden mockery. Technology Attempts have occasionally been made to drag Road Scholars kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. Most notable have been the forays into robotics by McKain and burnme, creating McAble (latterly iPal) and BurnBot. BurnBot has since been removed by its creator following a dispute over the inclusion in its vocabulary of a reference to a type of Chinese sailing vessel. iPal, now having a monopoly, offers a calculator, reports when it has last seen a given user, and simulates the throws of dice. Some critics point out that the tea and coffee making facilities leave a lot to be desired, however. Law Enforcement Of questionable efficacy. In the event of spamming or trolling, the promptest response is typically offered by Road Scholar regulars turning out with pitchforks and lit torches to remove the miscreant, or at least damage his self-esteem to the point that he begins to question the meaning of life itself. This typically results in a swift (or at least entertaining) resolution, without the need to involve Kongregate mods (pictured to the right). Room Culture Road Scholars are typically sarcastic, irreverent, disdainful of anything not directly beneficial to their own lives, and sex-obsessed. Asking for game help will typically be met with the same response as politely enquiring of a vicar whether you might violently sodomise his wife and daughter and then clean yourself off on his curtains afterwards. Despite this attitude (or perhaps because of it), Scholars are typically welcoming to newcomers, providing they have an IQ greater than that of a glass of water. The conversation, inasmuch as it deserves the term, is driven by the twin influences of the Dada movement and mescaline, akin to a highly-intellectual professor of art, specialising in the works of the lesser-known pre-Raphaelites, after having had his drink spiked with cheap vodka. It may be the only room on Kongregate where the lesser works of Moliere have been mentioned in the same breath as duct-taping unruly children to walls and dropping sailing boats onto Americans from a cargo plane. Most notable are the ritualistic tangents that the conversations often go on. They start out with a simple comment, building and building until you have a conversation so abstract that to try and find where it began would drive one utterly insane. Notable Scholars Given that most regulars will never amount to anything, it is highly suspect as to whether there is such a thing as a truly notable Road Scholar. Nonetheless, we offer the following examples (in no particular order), intended solely as cautionary tales: McKain The room owner, and Acting Ban Dispenser, 2nd Class. Also known as McAFKain as he is often AFK. May be easily exploited via his deep-seated (and bordering on the pathological) love of upcoming game, Borderlands. He has also successfully converted ChaoticCrusade into a raving worshipper of Reese Roper. QueenTakesRook Fairly recently modded, as of going to press. Universally loved, except by trolls. Newly sham-hitched to PurpleAlex. Ghostduckie Simultaneously the best and worst features of Road Scholars. He enjoys long walks on the beach, and eating bread crumbs. PurpleAlex He enjoys tearing people down until they have nothing to live for and then finishing them off by inviting them to a classy restaurant to share an expensive brunch. Of course, PurpleAlex does not pay. Newly sham-hitched to QueenTakesRook. Danbuckley5 The other other British one. Apparently not very interesting, since that's literally all I could think of when it came to describing him. But I just checked his profile; holy shit, level 36?! A man with too much time on his hands. CaraAdele Lives in France, where she spends most of her time trying to stop PurpleAlex from stealing her boyfriend. Terrenae Awesome bookish history-nerd. Not, in fact, the same person as Cara. ChaoticCrusade The local evil genius bent on world domination, commonly called "CC" for short. Your typical self-entitled, self-absorbed, nerdy Scholar. Is known for ranting about D&D, Star Wars, Soul Calibur, and City of Villains. An all-around stand-up guy, albeit a gibbering Mac-fiend. As a side-note, he is often found cursing merlinseras for causing his newfound love-sickness. He is also an aspiring musician that enjoys making Heavy Metal versions of beloved dance classics, something that PurpleAlex wishes to murder him for. Knux Also known as Knuckles, Knux is a regular whose chief interests are grooming his oversized mane and evangelising for Rise Against. With his quick wit and sharp mind, he's a very dangerous opponent at chess. Knux often worries about those close to him, but complains when people worry about him. Due to complications of real world proportions, Knux disappeared from a prior life in which he knew Zeneeba and Chazusama, which he constantly refers to, and only recently appeared in Road Scholars, swaggering like he had been in the wilderness for two years. He is often found calling people by nicknames that are not usually used by others, making him very memorable. Also abuses the 'Mute' button. kimital Princess of Road Scholars and all around sweet gal. She likes long showers. Silviar Awesomeness personified. Talented at appearing in the room, seemingly from out of thin air. May be a ninja or mythical beast. Also known for drawing awesome pictures for all the Road Scholars, it is believed she may actually steal a part of her subject's soul in order to better draw them. She is also the mortal enemy of tweezers everywhere, as 90% of her injuries are tweezer-related. Boredom_Man An excellent regular, but sub-par superhero. Has also succeeded in doing the horizontal monster mash and making a kid. Kudos. Dionysus128 The greek god of Honey, Revelry, Wine, and random triple-digits. Enjoys torturing the regulars with disturbing mental imagery, particularly ChaoticCrusade. But what he really wants to do is direct. f15hfac3 Resident Australian, a reptile of the order Testudines, aquatic species having the trunk enclosed in a shell consisting of a dorsal carapace and a ventral plastron. merlinseras The jury is still out on his emo status. May or may not be a wizard or mage. Part falcon, part hot anime chick, and also a self acclaimed love-sick-semi-stalker. ChaoticCrusade blames him for his recent love-sickness. DrEed By his own admission, a lover of wombats (wombatophile? check this - ed.). Is on some manner of police database because of this. madpraxis I don't know how to describe him, and his profile is blank. So... well, he's definitely a regular. Yes, he shows up sometimes. Which is nice. Update: just found out he enjoys long evenings watching lemmings jumping over cliffs. ElMicha 18, lost in the forest of the Scandinavian mountains. Checks into channel most days when he's not busy, or just not caring about his school lessons as he's too stupid to absorb the knowledge. Oh, his birthday is the 25th of January (which nobody at all seemed to remember =( ). Also the channel's very own gentleman. AoiScarlet ~Aoi-chan is 17 years old! ~A random random person, tends to start all the sentences with ~. ~Why? ~Force of Habit. ~Why? ~It was used to annoy an old friend of Aoi's. Nekkuma Does not wear pants. Draws comics for a living. Good ones mind you. Enjoys trolling spammers. Currently the acting Pope of Kongregate. Baconbandit Just your average American whose passion is to steal bacon. Keep your bacon safe or you will never see it again. Kyler_Skye Born in the wonderfulness of Canada, Kyler_Skye has attained the status of Most loveable and Craziest person to enter the room. No one knows how Kyler did it, and it will remain a mystery until the opposite is revealed. Often Mistaken for a male, Kyler is known for being overly excited when people enter the room - Shown by Numerous pounces on Everybody! Kyler enjoys talking in third person and dying randomly. Kyler_Skye also enjoys Blood and guts and the combination of Black and Lime Green. Secretly Married to Knux - he seems to forget though... Alexisonfire123 Is a very mysterious one-of-a-kind guy, who may or may not talk much. Really depends on how he feels or what he may be playing...or being the Youtube fanatic he his. Watch out for his reference to Death Note, with it being his favorite show on the face of the earth...except for the fact it's over and he realized what happened. Usually will be on everyday unless he his lost under the mounds of homework from his AP classes -.-.